What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
