You just made me feel so damn special
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
