Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
