Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
