Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
