Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
