My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
