hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
