Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
