He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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