Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
