Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
