I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
