I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
