he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
