I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
