Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
