We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
