when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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