Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize