her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
