I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
