Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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