Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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