mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
