Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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