he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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