Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
