my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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