a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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