did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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