cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
