Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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