don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
