i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
