I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
