Whod you bang
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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