Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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