i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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