I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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