Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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