When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
