I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
