I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i drank out of a bidet.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
