Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
