its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
