At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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