Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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