Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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