I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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