I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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