how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
