So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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