Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You took a bar mat shot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
