my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
