Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
