Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
