Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
