When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
