yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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