Cold hands, warm shart.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
