Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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